Lifestyle

Internet dating for men

As promised, here we are again covering the topic of internet dating.  This time it is from a man’s perspective, how does he perceive dating online and what experience has he had?

It is said that…(and a man said it)

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. What a book! I hope you have read it – if not, it’s a must read. I’ve read it three times:) It’s a manual for loving relationships. It reveals how men and women differ in all areas of their lives. They communicate, think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need and appreciate differently.

According to the author of the book, John Gray, men and women are literally from different planets! He must have a good point and be close to the mark because his book has sold over 15 million copies worldwide.

I met a man from Mars

Yesterday I visited Mars. I spent an hour with a man called Jack who has been doing internet dating on and off for 13 years.

Jack the lad! (he doesn’t mind me using that descriptive – he’s smiling)

Could you say that Jack has behaved disgracefully in his earlier years? I would say yes, a little. Jack is in his early 50s. He has a child and a full-time job. Jack has a wicked sense of humour so there will be moments in this article where you may think I am mocking the inhabitants of Mars but no, these are Jack’s words.

Over those 13 years of online dating, Jack said his attitude about dating and women have changed as he has matured and learnt from his mistakes. His priorities have changed and he is starting to understand the inhabitants of Venus (us women).

The most important thing is that he knows exactly what he wants and is capable of it now, he didn’t 5 years ago.

The sweet shop mentality

Jack explained that when he first started internet dating he and some of his friends saw the whole process much like visiting a sweet shop. Lots of choices, different shapes and flavours!

His mentality changed over time and he began to realise what would and wouldn’t work for him. It’s been a bumpy ride in places. Sexual attraction, happiness, sadness, embarrassment, pretence, miscommunication, disappointment and desire to name just a few of his emotions:)

Jack is on track

In the last three years, Jack has been clear about what would make him happy. He wanted a serious relationship, to be in love and with someone who has the ‘wow factor’. It is important to him that the woman looks good but personality and intelligence is key too. In addition to that, he wanted someone of a similar age without young children.

Bingo!

Jack has found someone who ticks all his boxes, Jack’s a great catch so I’m really pleased about that.

Meet Jack…

Me: Hi Jack, thank you for agreeing to help with the research for this article. There will be women out there who will be interested in your insights and men who may relate to you or want to start internet dating.

Jack: No problem, I’ve got lots of experience in internet dating. In fact, I was thinking of designing a dating app or website for internet dating myself!

Me: Interesting…You have a partner now, would you go back to internet dating if this relationship didn’t work?

Jack: No, I’ve had enough of internet dating. I’ve been lucky at last and had a bit of a blinder. I’ve finally found someone who ticks my boxes.

I sat with some mates the other day and we helped one of them create a profile on the internet dating site called Bumble. We started looking at the all the women’s profiles and it was overwhelming,  I had forgotten how time-consuming it all is and how easy it is to get hooked on it.

Me: What other ways have you tried to meet women over the last 13 years?

Jack: I’ve tried the what I call ‘natural’ way. Going to bars, clubs, restaurants etc… I’ve also done speed dating, Match.com, Tinder, Lock & Key and loads of others but none of it worked for me. In fact, I’m most probably still on loads of free dating websites without knowing because I haven’t cancelled my profiles and can’t remember which sites I joined.

Me: What were you looking for in a partner in particular?

Jack: To start with, when I was 40 I wanted a woman a lot younger than me. I wanted a trophy girlfriend. Then I realised the women that I was going for wanted babies, marriage and all the things that go with it. After a while, I felt too old to do that anymore.

I didn’t want that stuff again.

After a few failed relationships, I worked out what I really wanted. I wanted a serious relationship and companionship and a woman who didn’t have a young family.

Me: What can you tell me about your experience with Women’s internet dating profiles?

Jack: I want to be careful here, I don’t want to upset any women reading this article. Although I guess I should be honest. This is what sets off an alarm bell for me about women’s internet dating profiles:

  • No photographs – that’s a definite no for me. I want to see photographs. There has to be a selection of photos on a woman’s profile. I need to know if she is what she says she is physically
  • No profile photos of a bunch of women together – if she is amongst her friends in a photo and her friends look really nice, it’s a bit distracting. I don’t recommend that women do that
  • I don’t like just headshots of women, it makes me suspicious. I need to know what the woman’s body is like. Just a headshot isn’t enough – I know that sounds shallow, sorry
  • The phrase ‘I like fine dining’ makes me nervous – when I read that, I automatically think ‘high maintenance’
  • Always wearing sunglasses – if the woman only has pictures of her wearing sunglasses then it’s a no go. She could be boss-eyed, who knows. I’m not prepared to take the risk!

Me: Do you go for what a woman looks like and her personality afterwards.

Jack: Yes, I’m not going to lie.

Me: What were you looking for in a woman’s profile?

Jack: Looks, a sense of humour, no young children and didn’t live too far away.

Me: Do you have any funny stories to tell?

Jack: Yes. Many times I have turned up for dates and the women really don’t look anything like their profile pictures. A couple of times I’ve looked and walked away from the date. I know that’s really bad.

I want to add that equally I’ve been treated a bit unfairly by women.

I admit…I’ve been at a date and gone to toilet halfway through the date and not gone back to the table, I went home.

**Warning**

Explicit content – I once slept with a woman on our first date and she had got over excited and left bodily fluids and number 2’s in my bed! That wasn’t good at all. Sorry if that’s too much information.

There were quite a few other inappropriate things that happened to me but I think it’s best I don’t mention them.

Me: Thanks for your input Jack. It’s been entertaining – all the best for the future with the relationship you are in now. I will let my readers decide if they think you have behaved disgracefully Jack.

We both laugh.

 

Internet dating appears to eventually have worked for Jack. Fingers crossed he won’t need to use internet dating again. If he does we will catch up with him and let you know what he’s up to.

Whether you love it or hate it, internet dating is proving to be a good way to meet your soulmate. In fact, 1 in 5 of us meets a partner online.

The first step in your journey to find a partner online is choosing which dating site suits you and your requirements.

According to www.mashable .com the top 5 dating websites are:

  • Best for all kinds of daters: Match
  • Best for the opinionated: OkCupid
  • Best for those looking to get hitched: eHarmony
  • Best for international daters: Zoosk
  • Best mostly-free site: Plenty of Fish

You may want to join multiple sites or a more specific site like kissinggates.com or muddymatches.com for farmers, fitness-singles.com for those enthusiastic sporty types or yourtravelmates.com for an adventurous travel buddy.

We also recommend trying ‘Bumble’.

Good luck with your venture if you do decide to try online dating.

Are you in a same-sex relationship or are you looking for it? I would love to hear your stories and advice.

Read our article ‘Internet dating for women’.

You can pick up some tips and insights to help make your online dating experience a lot easier and more enjoyable. 

** The content on this site should not be used as medical advice, we are giving our readers information and insights. If you are concerned about your health or need medical advice please see your doctor. If you are struggling with any issues please talk to someone – don’t suffer in silence. **

 

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** The content on this site should not be used as medical advice, we are giving our readers information and insights. If you are concerned about your health or need medical advice please see your doctor. If you are struggling with any issues please talk to someone – don’t suffer in silence. **
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