Valentines – put the passion back into your relationship

Let’s talk about love, tradition, passion and Valentine’s Day.

If you have a partner, don’t forget the 14th of February – that day when singletons can’t wait for it to be over and couples get ripped off trying to ‘impress’ or do the ‘right thing’.

Sorry, that was a bit negative…

Valentine’s Day gets its name from the famous saint and the first Valentine’s Day was dated back as far as 496!

It is said that Valentine’s Day began with a party where boys and girls did their version of ‘put their names into a hat’ and choose who they would be with for the night and sometimes, who they would marry. I guess similar to our ‘keys in a bowl!’ Well… not me, I don’t do that.

Nowadays, as soon as the Christmas decorations get put away in the shops – out comes an abundance of chocolate hearts, teddy bears, flowers and heart-shaped accessories to suit all. As the 14th February fast approaches, we are going to see how you can put the passion back into your relationship.

Let’s be real, we don’t live in the movies…

It would be unrealistic to think that in our relationships we would go for the rest of our lives having movie star sex – if at all. Especially as you age and things don’t work so well as they used to, passion may have already gone well and truly out of the window.

But it’s not too late to relight that fire!

A good relationship should consist of some consistency, variation, commitment, respect, trust and love. It would be unrealistic to think that it’s possible to get all those things right at the same time but it’s not too late to get at least 75%. It’s not too late to relight that fire!

Are you struggling with your partner a little bit at the moment?

Here are few tips to get the spark back into your hearts and your pants!

  • Let’s get physical – a physical touch such as a hug, rub of the back, holding hands, massage or sex can boost a relationship. On touching, oxytocin is released into the body which can result in a feeling of ‘closeness’
  • Be happy, smile and sometimes let your eyes do the talking – it can take the smallest positive action to make someone feel good or to turn them on
  • Know when to say sorry if you make a mistake – none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes. The key thing is to be sure that you say sorry or it can lead to resentment. Make-up sex can be very good sometimes!
  • Make an effort with what you look like – you don’t need to look like a supermodel but sometimes it’s good to remind your partner exactly how great you are, inside and out. Show your curves or your bulges!
  • Take steps to make yourself feel good about yourself – if you’re not happy in yourself, it will make it more difficult to be happy with someone else. As we age we tend to gain some pounds and don’t look like what we used to look like at 18. But you are still beautiful, we are all beautiful in different ways – be proud of what you are. Think sexy, be sexy
  • Listen to your partner – sometimes what your partner is saying might not be of importance or interest to you but to just listen might help your partner a lot, it may build their confidence. In turn, could make for better sex or lovemaking
  • Have other interests to your partner – it’s very rare that one partner can fulfil all your needs – make time for your friends and partake in different activities. It’s great to share conversations with each other about what you have done or achieved with others. They may find that exciting!
  • Focus on being happy not being right – ‘who’s right or wrong?’, at the end of the day a relationship isn’t a competition, it’s about being happy not winning a trophy. Passive aggressive behaviour can only end in disaster
  • Time apart and reunite – absence does make the heart grow fonder and it is good to take a break from your partner so you appreciate each other more
  • Be respectful – passive aggressive or toxic relationships very rarely last. Making time to understand and respect each other is key to a happy relationship. If you show respect, you gain respect
  • Just ask – is something playing on your mind? Talk about it, it’s not good for a relationship to bottle things up. Frustration builds and it could result in an unnecessary explosion! The same for sex – if things are working for you anymore, in a sensitive way, tell your partner. It might be time to try something new in the bedroom! Maybe a trip to a sex shop might be on the cards
  • Don’t hope for perfection – you will only disappoint yourself, imperfections are so much more interesting

Let’s talk about sex and passion!


Loss of libido (sex drive) is a common problem that affects many men and women. As we age, our sex drive can go down – men’s testosterone levels drop especially after the age of 40 and most men will experience erectile dysfunction at some point in their life. Loss of sex drive is often linked to relationship issues, stress or tiredness, but can be a sign of an underlying medical problem. If there is a serious concern about your libido you should seek expert medical advice.

**Tip** – if it can only be temporary, create an atmosphere of relaxation and calm when you are with your partner. You don’t have to have full on intercourse, just hold each other and touch each other. Gentle caressing can lead to more, don’t rush things.


It is quite common for the older generation to practice more ‘outercourse’ than ‘intercourse’. Choosing to use toys, massage, oral sex etc… As men age, it sometimes takes things a bit longer than normal to get hard and an erection can become a bit iffy – don’t be discouraged, there’s plenty of other ways that you can have fun!

Sexual desires…

Sexual desires with your partner can change as you age. You may want to be experimental and try sex with another couple. Make sure before you try this, that you and your partner realise the impact of doing something like this will have on your relationship – emotionally and physically.

Of course, there is always porn, swinging, role-playing or any of those other activities that may enhance your sex life.

Wishing you a very Happy Valentine, may it be filled with passion, chocolate and bubbles!

If you are a singleton, and not by choice, have faith – there’s a reason for everything. Your mr or mrs right will come along one day. I just can’t tell you when.

Join us on Facebook and Twitter – be a part of our community.

** The content on this site should not be used as medical advice, we are giving our readers information and insights. If you are concerned about your health or need medical advice please see your doctor. If you are struggling with any issues please talk to someone – don’t suffer in silence. **